Holiday drama and splitting costs: How to handle awkward Christmas moments.
From unwrapping presents to the long-anticipated Christmas dinner, the holiday season is full of opportunities for things to go wrong. It’s the small details that matter most, and your etiquette is no exception. Experts share insights on potential awkward moments you might encounter, helping you navigate the festive season with ease.
A common holiday dilemma is receiving a gift you don’t like. Should you be honest with the giver or pretend to love it? According to Rupert Wesson from Debrett’s, it all depends on your relationship with the person who gave it to you.
To lie or not to lie?
“There are some people you can be honest with about not liking the gift, but with others, you’ll need to smile and tell a small white lie,” says etiquette expert Rupert Wesson. However, no matter what, etiquette coach Laura Windsor advises, “don’t make a face when you open the gift.”
“Just pretend you like it and mention how useful it will be,” she advises. “The key is always to be kind.” Both etiquette experts agree that it’s perfectly acceptable to donate an unwanted gift or re-gift it later. Mr. Wesson recommends always keeping a gift receipt, adding, “None of us are perfect at choosing the perfect gift.”
Discuss the cost openly
While the price of turkey and Brussels sprouts has dropped this year, root vegetables have become more expensive, and some families are feeling the financial strain this winter. Ms. Windsor suggests organizing a “Christmas potluck,” where everyone contributes to the meal ahead of time.
Potluck meals involve guests bringing a dish or item to share with everyone. Alternatively, Ms. Windsor suggests asking each guest or family member to bring a food or drink item. “There’s no shame in saying, ‘I’m hosting Christmas, could you help by providing this?'” Mr. Wesson adds.
Keep the mood positive – and steer clear of sensitive topics.
Petty arguments can sometimes arise when the whole family is together, especially after indulging in food or drinks. Ms. Windsor advises, “Don’t take it personally, just work to diffuse the situation,” and suggests not giving anyone the “power to keep complaining.” She recommends shifting the conversation, but steering clear of sensitive topics.
“Keep the conversation positive,” advises Mr. Wesson. If there are any existing tensions among guests before December 25, he suggests addressing them early while planning for the holiday. “You might want to make the invitation conditional, ensuring no one will cause issues,” he says.
Is there such a thing as saying “thank you” too much?
Ms. Windsor advises against overdoing the “thank you” to the host, as it can “lose its meaning.” Instead, she suggests showing appreciation in other ways, like offering to help, bringing a thoughtful gift such as wine or a plant, and socializing with other guests.
“Mix it up a bit by complimenting them on the quality of the food,” Mr Wesson says.
“Appreciation of how good the food is goes a long way.”
Both etiquette experts advise sending a thank you note to the host after Christmas Day which is something that Mr Wesson calls “the gold standard of thank yous”.
Be open about your dietary needs upfront!
If you have dietary needs, like being vegetarian or vegan, make sure to inform your Christmas dinner host in advance, not on the 25th, Ms. Windsor advises. “It’s all about preventing issues – everything should be planned ahead of time,” she explains.
Mr. Wesson adds, “It’s the host’s responsibility to identify dietary needs and plan accordingly.” Ms. Windsor advises that if any tension arises over dietary requirements, “be empathetic,” but quickly end the discussion. “If someone makes an unkind comment, don’t take it personally.”
Christmas Dinner Etiquette
If you’re hungry and the Christmas dinner is taking longer than expected, Mr. Wesson suggests offering to help. “You’ll get a sense of what’s happening and maybe suggest sharing something to snack on before the main meal,” he says. But when it’s time to dig in and you don’t like the food, Ms. Windsor advises simply saying “yes” when asked if you’re enjoying it.
“If you don’t want to eat it, just leave it,” she says, adding you can always say you’ve “had enough.” Mr. Wesson advises minimizing attention to the fact that you’re not eating the meal. To avoid this situation, try asking the host if everyone can serve themselves, and be careful not to take too much in case you don’t like it.
What to do if gifts and cards arrive late.
Life’s demands—work, childcare, school—can sometimes delay sending Christmas cards and gifts on time. Ms. Windsor emphasizes that being organized is key, as it shows you’ve put thought and effort into ensuring everything arrives by Christmas. However, she acknowledges that daily life can interfere. Mr. Wesson advises that “better late than never” is the way to go, suggesting you message the recipient to let them know their gift or card is on the way and apologize for the delay.
“The key to Christmas Day is preparation,” says Mr. Wesson, highlighting the importance of organizing the day and managing family dynamics. “Expect the best, but be prepared for things to go off track,” he adds. “Most of these things aren’t that serious and won’t ruin the whole day.” Ms. Windsor sums it up with the golden rule: “Treat others how you’d like to be treated, and you can’t go wrong.”
